I've come full circle. I just got asked to be someone's bringer
Laugh So You Don't Cry
We have an entire segment of this country that was willing to vote for Trump but would not publicly say so.
An entire segment of this country too ashamed to admit to their friends and family what they're doing.
An entire segment of the country that treats voting for the leader of the free world like watching Vanderpump Rules.
Some Assembly Required
IKEA is going to start selling bikes you have to assemble yourself. Now "fixie" will mean what you have to do to the bike while riding it.
Pay Me
Russia is creating a new denomination of bills including images from Crimea. It adds a whole new level to "F*ck You" money.
Science Class
New York state is no longer treating tampons as a luxury item, showing their legislature has finally passed ninth grade biology.
An Education
Five years ago I had to explain to a fellow tech worker why a salon would need the sign "We do black hair". So it's my own fault for being surprised I had to explain chicken and waffles at lunch.
Waiting for 2020
Senator Elizabeth Warren had to put down rumors that she would run as VP in 2016, setting the stage for the Kanye-Warren 2020 ticket.
The Last Masai
The Internet was in an uproar because a Minnesota dentist killed a famous local lion. Apparently, hunting lions is the new n-word. Only black people are allowed to use it.
Reefer Madness
The Texas Police autopsy says massive amounts of marijuana contributed to #SandraBland's suicide. While some strains can cause paranoia, none of them match "being arbitrarily arrested and thrown into jail over a minor offense" levels.
#NoFilter
Inconsistencies in Sandra Bland's arrest video are causing people to think it's been edited. However, Texas police say it's just a technical glitch in iMovie's racism filter.
First In Line
Fox News is mad that a theater in D.C. received federal funds to develop silent versions of Shakespeare's plays. They thought if the U.S. government was going to pay people to shut up, they'd be first in line.
Reading Rainbow
Upon winning the "Best Fighter" award at the ESPY's Ronda Rousey said, "I wonder how Floyd [Mayweather] feels being beat by a woman for once. I like to see him pretend that he doesn't know who I am now." Unfortunately Floyd had to read about the comment later, which means he still doesn't know who she is.
Tradition
People are upset that the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel, does not support gay marriage. However, she's just following the proud German tradition of being on the wrong side of history.
Role Models
Camille Cosby says accusers 'consented' to drugs and sex with her husband. She also apparently has posters of Eva Braun over her bed.
via Bill Cosby’s Famous “Pound Cake” Speech, Annotated:
In Bill Cosby's famous "Pound Cake" speech he chastises the black community by throwing our stats like a 50% high school dropout rate. At the time of his speech the black dropout rate was actual near 13%. But the number of women who've accused Cosby of sexual assault is approaching 50.
Internal Hiring
Fox is planning a movie about the same-sex marriage case plaintiff. They figured they could save money by just using Fox News anchors as the villains.
JumboJet
Facebook, Twitter and Google combined have so few black employees they could all fit on a jumbo jet. None of the employees are willing to take the offer as they're wary of the last time white people offered them free transatlantic travel.
Scales of Justice
In Justice Scalia's dissent of the marriage equality win today, he says the Supreme Court doesn't represent a proper balance of the American people. When he was told that if he cared about balance he should give up his seat for a Hispanic, LGBTQ or female justice, he got awfully quiet.
Throwbacks
Turns out that there's been three different designs of the Confederate flag, showing that even racism can have throwback jerseys.
Schoolhouse Rock
While most people think Obama is the first President to say the n-word, Lyndon B Johnson would openly refer to The Civil Rights Act as "the nigger bill". Thankfully, Schoolhouse Rock never made a song about how that became a law.